Must My Wannabe Influencer Pal Stop Using Me for Material?

The Prosecution: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while I’m eating. I’ll see myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our relationship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She makes vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I prefer not to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it comes like a jumpscare: I might be bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. The dynamic feels like our friendship has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I spend assisting her create material.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that makes us look good for her vlog.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me laughing with someone. It’s so silly. I need her to understand that our 10-year friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to experience it without being filmed, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love shooting content. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online enables me to express myself and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that style of casual, DIY film-making.

Content creation is my version of engaging with life: observing the details, sharing them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we create together can achieve: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I would delete anything she asked, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and steering clear of shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it’s about expressing my perspective while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a companion film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something professionally, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love making content and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to listen to what Beth wants.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?